Disappointment...

That's how I'm feeling today, at least. I guess you could say I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. All day it's been a mix of ups and downs, all coming to a head with a complete breakdown about 8 minutes into my workout. I felt like I physically couldn't do it. I couldn't get my head into it. I'm not going to bed yet, so there is still a chance for me to finish, but I'm not sure I see Day 14 happening today.

I really need to stop weighing myself every day (read: multiple times a day). Maybe I need to put the scale away until Monday rolls around so I won't constantly check it. It's so discouraging to see the same numbers day after day. I have been working so hard and I feel like I'm never going to reach the end. I can't think of many things I've finished in my life. I never got a degree (heck, I didn't even finish junior college). I don't have a job (not to mention the last one I had didn't even think I was good enough to keep around). I don't ever stick to things, as is evident by my current size. I know I want to finish this; I'm just unsure sometimes if I can.

Maybe I'll re-read this in a few minutes and decide that I really should get back in there and say "It's only 20 minutes of my life". Or maybe I'll end up disappointing myself and my family and just go to bed early. I know it's up to me to make the decision and it's up to me to accept whatever the outcome is for actions. Let's see what happens...

It's That Time Again!

3 more pounds down!! That's 11 pounds lost altogether!

Phew! I was a little worried about this weigh in. I indulged in a few things this week. Even though I stayed within my points, I was still worried I was doing something "wrong".

Before, when I had done Weight Watchers back in 2002, I would try to eat the same things I always did and just kind of fit them into my points allotment (for example, I still ate my share of McDonald's, by way of Happy Meals). This time, I have learned to make much better choices and use my points for things of more healthy substance (such as eggs, beans, lean meats, whole wheat carbs, etc). On top of that, my fruit and veggie amount is way up and I feel great about that too!!

On another note, I'm officially a third of the way through my 30 Day Shred challenge (and today being day 11)!! If you saw my Facebook post you know that, to my surprise, the free on demand version ended yesterday and I didn't know this until I was ready to work out at 8pm! Fortunately my husband ran to Target and got the full DVD. Oh goody, now I have levels 2 and 3...! My stamina has improved a ton and it's pretty cool to watch myself finish sections that I couldn't a day or two before.

Till next time...



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Change in my life...

This song, eloquently covered by my favorite band, has been playing in my head a lot over the last couple days.

"There's a change in my life since you came along"

As odd as it may sound, I think the person who came along and brought that change was me. I am the only one who can make any changes and who can decide whether or not change can happen. And I choose change, for good.

So something happened today that I wasn't expecting. I went to get dressed to run some errands, and the notch on my belt that I've been at for about the life of the belt was suddenly too loose. I thought, no way. But I went to one tighter, and it fit! AND I could still breathe! AND it made me feel like my shorts were too big! I'm still in shock.

Sometimes it is hard to celebrate small goals like that, but tonight, I think I'll have a 2 point ice cream bar to commemorate! It's the small goals that add up! One day at a time...

It's only 20 minutes of my life...

Whenever I have tried to "lose weight" before, I have always struggled with exercise. I hate sweating (and I do it a lot!). I hate being out of breath. I hate being sore for days after.

This is another reason why I feel that this time is different. My outlook has somehow, unconsciously, changed from focusing on the things I hate to saying to myself "It's only 20 minutes of my life!" and as my friend Carrie Poppy put it, those 20 minutes could add far than 20 minutes to my life. So true, so true...

So I'm 1/6th of the way through my 30 days in the 30 Day Shred. Part of me is discouraged when doing it when I still can't finish the jumprope/jumping jacks section or the last set or abs (those bicycles are killer!). I just have to keep encouraging myself that it's a marathon and not a sprint, and eventually I'll get there. On a positive note, I woke up today and was NOT sore for the first day of doing this! This was a delightful surprise!

Till next time, folks!

Weigh in Day and a few days prior...

2 pounds down! Still going strong and losing it at the pace I should! It's hard for me not to pay attention to the numbers. I do admit to cheating during the week and peeking at the scale, but the only number I care about is the one on Monday. And even then, I'm trying to not focus on it!

The last few days I've been doing Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred. It's a 20 minute work out that's the equilvalent of an hour plus at the gym. It's crazy tough, but crazy good. The first day, I was literally crying while I was working out. I couldn't wash my hair afterwards because I couldn't lift my hand to the top of my head. Yeah, it was rough! Day 2, there were no tears, but there was a lot of yelling and groaning (ask my husband, he witnessed it. lol!). Yesterday was day 3, and I'm amazed at how much easier it's getting. Don't get me wrong, it's not easy! Just a little easier each day is fine by me.

That's all for now. I might be back later if the mood hits, but for not, I'm off to eat my new obsession: greek yogurt with honey and granola. So good!

Here we go...

Since I tend to post on Facebook so much about my new lifestyle change (and subsequent weight loss from it), I figured a blog may be in order so that I can go a little more in depth. So here goes...!

Today, as I was finishing the dishes, starting the laundry, picking up the bathroom, and hanging various pictures up in my daughter's room, it hit me. I feel much more like a "stay at home mom" now, rather than an "unemployed hotel employee". The energy that eating better and drinking water (no soda or sweet tea for 12 days!) has given me makes me feel much more alive around my house.

This, in turn, makes me feel less guilty too. You see, when I lost my job nearly 2 years ago to the day, I almost instantly felt guilt; guilt that has only gotten worse since then. I've thought about the burden I have put on my husband to be the "bread winner". I've thought about the perception that my choice not to go back to work may be considereed lazy. I think there is no way around feeling a little guilty about it all. And as my last unemployment check makes its way to my house next week, I'm actually starting to feel that guilt lifted a little bit, strangely enough. And I give all the credit to this new way of living.

In future posts, I'll talk about my addiction to fast food (and why I truly feel it is/has been an addiction), my lack of cooking skills that somehow get me through the day now, and all the other fun things that come from making this huge change in my life and the lives of my family. My weigh in day is Monday, so look for a post about those results then! I've been very encouraged by all the kind words I've received on Facebook and beyond. They make my heart swell. I hope my words can do the same for some of you!